The undulations of life just keep on rolling in. It seems there are spacious times when rest and even ‘monotony’ abounds and then phases of drama and strife seem to escalate the emotions… and there is rarely an opportunity to consciously choose which direction things will tend to flow. Do you know what I mean?
As I write, I find myself at the tail end of a period of rumble, trouble and strife. A son has a stay in hospital which requires days of physical presence and emotional support (he is all good now… thankfully), a family member had a bit of a self-created crisis which has ramifications and requires, again, my support (even if given with reluctance) all this on top of the everyday mothering requirements of a bustling family moving through modern day life.
It’s almost like I have simultaneously slipped onto some sort of ‘Drama Waterslide’ that is taking me down along twists and heady turns with the gushing flow of water and trouble all mixed together, helplessly swishing on a spiral of fears, worries, requirements and sacrifices. It feels epic and consuming and all encompassing.
And then eventually the tumultuous ride is over and it spits me out at the other end in a ruddy gush of relief, discombobulation and a desire to withdraw and recalibrate. So this is what I do.
Before I know it, the opportunity for introversion is over and I find myself lying on my mat, appreciating the depth of my post asana Savasana bliss and gazing up into a clear, fresh morning sky as the crickets whirl and the birds chatter… and my mind runs through the last few weeks ‘chaotic waterslide adventure’ (which all seems like a hazy, bad night, crazy dream) and I am tingled into awareness at the realisation that while all was convoluting around me and emotions flailing around, decisions and actions swinging from one impetus to the other, fears, trajectories, worries and troubles…. I somehow found a way to experience my feet simply walking through a phase of discomfort. Like as if “This will pass” had unknowingly been mantra’d through my brain so often during arduous yoga poses and in other times of stress that it somehow profoundly found its way into my very underlying belief in the situation at hand.
I realised at that moment that it was in fact my practice that had solidified solid earth for me to walk upon as I made my way around a quagmire of unreliable response options that could have lead me quite genuinely to freak out and worry my guts out. Which would not have helped me or the situation and most importantly… taken me away from the very people who needed my help and support and unwavering love through their time of need.
So… in that moment, looking up to the beautiful clear morning sky… I thanked my inner yogi self. The one that keeps getting up out of bed to my alarm, the one who shows up on to my mat even when I don’t want to, the one who pulls me down from the high points and says… “to yoga we go” as well as up from the low points and reminds of this important movement and spiritual practice of dedication, awareness, gentle self-connection, progress, learning, expansion and growth.
I am humbled to understand this… but to be honest… I have found this realisation before… its just lovely to see in a different light.
So please, if you have been reading my words this far… please do turn now toward whatever practice that you choose (or have chosen historically) and let it glimmer in your mind for a moment. Please go back to it, or honour it, or just simple smile at your gratitude and love of it.
Namaste my friends
Juliarna
